ABOUT ME

My name is Tanis Gray.

I am on a journey to discover what God intended when He created me. When I look at my life and the journey that I have already been on, I wonder what it is all supposed to mean, who am I and who is this God that I choose to worship and believe in. When I look at my past I see a lot of joy, and a lot of sorrow. I remember the joy of traveling with my parents and my sister as a kid, discovering how big the mountains were, and what oceans sounded like. At home, I remember the taste of candy from the corner store, and how much a quarter would buy ( a lot more than it does now). I remember going to horse movies with my dad and my sister, and watching my dad play baseball. I remember going to my grandparents farm, picking weeds in the gardens as my  grandma told me stories of her life growing up, helping to hang up washed plastic milk bags to dry, picking gooseberries and seeing fluffy new kittens in the hayloft. I remember climbing the crooked tree at the farm (and if you put pieces of hot dog on the tree, the dog would climb the tree too). I remember how good the food that my mom made tasted, and that she made us soft fluffy pajama’s. I remember feeling loved and secure when I was young. My parents took the time to get to know us, and I am grateful. I remember falling in love with my husband. I remember the joy of being a mom and now the joy of grandkids. There is so much to be grateful for in my life, in my past and in my present.

I also remember the sorrow, the being bullied and the hurt that the name calling at school caused. The never fitting in. I remember being molested by someone who said she was my friend and being raped at a party. I remember how as a teen I was so angry at life and how my parents couldn't understand because I couldn't express why I was in pain. I remember the devastation of losing my dad to Cancer and later losing a daughter to SIDS at 12 weeks. I remember how much I hated myself, how ugly and worthless I felt. I remember the pain and what it has taught me, and even that has had some blessings within it.

There is far more that I could talk about, but I will save that for another time.

One thing I do know now is that God was with me during the entire time, through the good and the bad. He never abandoned me. He has taught me through my life story that there is grace, mercy, forgiveness and love for anyone who reaches out for it. He has showed me that He is big enough to handle all my sorrow, all my anger and all my joy, and that He loves me no matter what. God has transformed me, given me a full life, He has given me a mission and a creative ministry. My mission is ministering to the broken women all around me, it is what God has called me to It is my mission to help the broken and the hurting to see the love that God has for them, to help them to see themselves through His eyes. I saw myself as ugly, damaged, and worthless. I called myself Ugly, that was my self-given name. God showed me that He saw me as beautiful, whole and healed, valuable and cherished. He gave me a new name, the name Beautiful. |I want others to know that He has a new name for them too. Ask Him what it is, He loves to tell you. it will always be a name of great worth, because You are loved.

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My creative ministry is called Chara Armor. Chara means joy. I used to call my ministry Broken Clay, but it has been renewed. Broken is no longer the theme of my life. God has transformed me and given me the gift of joy. It is joy that doesn't depend on life's circumstances, it only depends on a deep knowing of who God is, who He says that I am and His great love for me.

 

This is what I want for you,  Chara Joy.

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